Photo Credit: Brian DePalo via Compfight cc
Dear Fellow Travelers,
I’ll be the first to admit, writing a letter like this is unusual.
We’re not supposed to talk in public about what we talk about in private. You’re supposed to hide your decision to see me, as if it means you’re more damaged or more fragile than the average person. And I’m supposed to have power over you—degrees and expertise and insights I’ll unleash at just the right moment. I’m supposed to take my authority very, very seriously, and I’m supposed to protect it by telling you very little about what goes on inside of me.
Well, I call BS.
And I do so for one reason in particular: you’ve told me again and again you feel badly about weighing me down with your wounds and burdening me with your, well, burdens. So, I think you need to know this: early one morning last week, I opened my calendar and was overwhelmed with gratitude. I looked at the list of the precious people with whom I’d be spending my day, and I had only one thought in my head:
I’m the luckiest person in the world.
How many people go through every day of life—especially weekdays in the workplace—and never have any kind of authentic human connection? How many of us are hungering for just a little bit of vulnerability and honesty and reality? And yet, this is what I get to do at work, all day.
I can’t believe I get to do this.
In ten years, you have radically altered everything I believe about people. I used to think people were basically bad to the bone—selfish, vicious, devious. And it’s true, those things do exist within most of us. You’ve shown them to me. But then, together, we’ve located a deeper, truer place within you. A place where a light burns so bright it’s Beautiful, with a capital B. When I go to work, I get to be reminded there is something brilliant at the center of every human being.
I’ve been humbled by your beauty.
I offer you something you can’t find too many other places—I observe, I remain objective, and I openly share my insights. Sometimes they are a revelation. And sometimes they are just flat out wrong. When they are, you tell me so, and you share with me your insights about who you are and how life works. To do my job well, I have to embrace uncertainty about my own ideas and I have to be open to the accuracy of yours. And it is utterly freeing.
I’ve been humbled by your wisdom.
You come in and you say things few of us dare to say out loud. For an hour a week, you fashion a place of true belonging from your vulnerability and daring and determination to become unlonely. Some weeks this is more painful than others. Some weeks it doesn’t happen at all. But then you show true courage, and you return again, to try again. When I go to work, ordinary people teach me about extraordinary bravery.
I’ve been humbled by your guts.
You refuse to sleepwalk through this life. You refuse to numb yourself to what’s going on inside of you and around you. You insist upon finding your way to a life of consciousness. Alertness. Awareness. Awakeness. The truth is, the sun has dropped on plenty of mindless Saturdays in which I was left wondering, “What is the point of all this?” but I have never been left wondering that at the end of a day at my office. You are seeking to live your lives fully alive. And I get to witness it. Join you in it.
I’ve been humbled by your passion.
We live in a world in which, it seems, the flags are always flying at half mast. There is so much to grieve. Most work, unfortunately, has become a distraction from our grief. But when I go to work, I join those of you who have decided grieving is an essential part of being alive. You cycle through your denial about what hurts, your anger at those who’ve hurt you, your disappointment about what could have been, and you find your way to peace about all the sad and sacred pain of being human. You’ve taught me how to open up to all of it.
I’ve been humbled by your tenacious tears.
You see, when I go to work this week, I won’t be the only healer in the room—I have a bunch of healers listed by name in my calendar. Because you all teach me the tender truth about what it means to be human, and then I pass that truth along. In this way, actually, you’re all healing each other. I’m just the conduit.
I can’t believe I get to do this. But I do.
We do.
With gratitude,
Kelly
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Wow! This brings me tears. You have said everything reasons that I am honored and blessed to serve as a psychotherapist. Thank you for writing it out beautifully. Thank you for being authentic healer you.
This is how I feel as a massage therapist, practicing 30 years now. To be invited into a very private, tactile communion with another’s needs for the simple comfort of love.
A lovely hymn to service, paean to the paradoxical gratitude that comes from having the privilege to serve others, and the knowledge to do it well.
It is indescribable, yet you describe it excellently!
Kudos!
This is beautiful, Thank you for providing such a beautiful glimpse into the mind of the therapist.
Not just a beautiful read, but a beautiful perspective from which to see one’s chosen career. I wish everyone would read this and apply the concepts.
It’s great to be in a profession that is purposeful, it allows one to have gratitude and humility. A good read, and perspective on what it’s like to truly enJOY what you do. Thanks for sharing.
That’s beautiful but not all therapists are so awesome many years ago I was seeing a therapist who used his power to hurt people, for the hours my insurance paid for what was to be therapy was abuse.Ive always been afraid to speak of this,only a few family members and close friends know about this,He spent his time telling me how he had clients husbands arrested on false charges of abuse or drugs,he talked about destroying marriages how he came from the streets,was a former alcoholic and drug abuser. He got a job as a dishwasher in a well known college in Duluth Minnesota so he could go to school for free and get the job he always wanted a job where he had power over woman. To make a long story short he on more then one occasion made inappropriate advances towards me both physically and verbally when I threatened to turn him in he said no body would believe me over him he had all the power and was also a union steward he told me he put it my chart many things that were untrue including that I was suicidal which was never the case tried to have me locked up on a 72 hour hold for alcohol abuse I had a
N appointment with my doctor that afternoon thank GOd because she knew these things weren’t true I begged him to remove these lies from my chart which he refused telling me to keep my mouth shut because he knew where my family lived and had powerful friends that would take care of them. All I want people to know is just because people hold positions of power doesn’t make them all trustworthy
Beautiful and so sincere!
I am so sorry that was your experience with a sociopath in any career. I truly pray he was reported to the state board of his license. He was a bully and deserves legal charges. You deserve better. Thank you for sharing your truth. It is the bravery he wrote about above.
So true! I was assaulted by a male hypnotherapist, a piwerplay by a Christian counsellor, and condemned for not having read the Bible cover-to-cover by a “christian” psychologist. My blonde Barbie-doll friend was hit upon by a married psychologist
It’s a wonderful profession to be in. To be able to connect at depth on such a regular basis is a privilege. I really enjoyed reading your thoughtful and passionate post.
A beautiful reminder, thank you.
A friend of mine posted this on Facebook, being myself in therapy, I read it out of curiosity. I have been suffering from depression since I was a child and I’m 58 :-). I’ve had many therapists over the years, some good , some all right and one who did quite a lot of damage, and I always wondered, how they felt listening to me, rambling sessions after sessions. I cried all through your writing, I felt like you were talking to me. Thank you so much. I always thought that the therapist was there to listen to me and then tell me what to do until I would get better. But a couple of years ago, I met my current therapist and I finally realised that therapy is a partnership of some sort and we navigate together through darkness and lightness, sometimes getting lost but most times finding a way forward. So thank you again from the bottom of my heart <3
Love this! So well stated. Thank you for sharing so eloquently how some of us feel as therapists!
“Fortunate are those who see beautiful things in humble places where others see nothing.”
- Camille Pissaro
Thank you for providing such a beautiful glimpse into the mind of the therapist. I feel privileged to do this job and share with you these thoughts.
Wow so beautifully put. I also feel very bless to be a counsellor and connect with other humans. Thanks for this letter.
Kelly
Beautiful and soo true. Still love helping others find their way.
The courage to heal always amazes me.
Thank you for sharing.
Paula Leslie
Been in the field for 30 plus yrs.
So perfectly said. Thank you!! I’m sharing with other counselors in New Orleans 🙂
Thank you for writing this! I am privileged to work in this field and a be a part of a spiritual journey, not my own, which has truly become a part of mine as well!
About the most loviest thing I’ve read in a long time!
This brought me to tears on two levels - ones that are difficult to define and describe. I’ve sat in a therapist’s room and poured my heart out, revealed my inner most soul, and was met with kindness, compassion and even comradery. I’ve spent years studying psychology and felt joy that my life could bring peace and growth to another. I have felt honored when someone opens their soul to me. I felt gratitude. I felt humbled. I felt worthy and unworthy both. We hold the hearts and souls of others in our hands when they open them up to us. When people have asked me why I do this, I could only reply that it’s difficult to explain. And nothing matches the experience of hearing thank you.
Thank you for giving words and substance to the experience.
The perfect description of what we do, especially poignant as I close my practice after 32 years as a therapist. I will miss the work deeply, it has truly been a privilege and I have felt constant gratitude for the trust my clients place in me and the opportunity to be there when needed.
Thank you. This is beautiful, and I believe you in the truths you find.
Just beautiful. Tears as I read.
What a thoughtful, uplifting post! And a nice reflection of your openness and personal growth.