Photo credit: Miranda Meadows
Not too long ago, I found myself interviewing for a new job (spoiler alert: I got it!). As I talked with my future coworkers on the phone, all the possibilities came to life as I imagined myself in this workplace with these people. This job was exactly what I was hoping for. It seemed too good to be true, until a bomb was dropped…
If I got the job, I would have the massive corner office.
That sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? Out loud, I mumbled something about how amazing that would be. Internally, though, I laughed, because I knew immediately that this would trigger my ultimate fear: being too much for the people and places and spaces in my life.
Immediately, a good and creative part of me longed to fill the space in a way that would reflect my truest self and would welcome clients into the sacred process of facing their fear, discovering their courage, and finding their truest self, as well. But the other part of me? The part in charge of protecting my truest self? That part panicked.
Because being ourselves within any space is terrifying, and vulnerable, and exposing.
Because if I fill space and I’m big, and fully me, and vulnerable, and alive, maybe it will be too much. Too much for my coworkers. Too much for my family. Too much for my friends. Too much for anyone.
On the other hand, maybe my “too much” is not enough. Because having the biggest office at my new job means maybe I have something of worth to offer, and, like most of us, many days I have to remind myself that that is true.
Three months after that phone call, I’m standing in the doorway of my new office, looking at the great expanse of hardwood floors, feeling as if in that doorway I’m standing on the threshold of an invitation. Either I choose to be small, attempting to hide somewhere in the big, open space, or I choose to accept the invitation to fill it. I want to say that the decision was easy…but it wasn’t. Vulnerability rarely is.
As I stand there, though, I’m grateful for the reminder that, more often than not, this is what beginning therapy feels like: you enter a strange new space and wonder if it can handle all of you. Then, slowly, you discover: the filling of the space leads to a fulfilling of you. When our truth can be witnessed and known, that is a beginning of the journey towards healing. In many ways, therapy is like my bare office. It’s an invitation to be known, and even though it can be a difficult invitation to accept, beauty awaits. The beauty of you.
Fast forward to today: I’m working in a job I love with people who are creative, soulful, imperfect, and compassionate, and who already feel much more like co-travelers than co-workers on this life journey. And my “big” office looks a lot like me:
It’s full of the things that give me life while reflecting my soul—color, art, books, and nature. My throw pillows on the sofa are intentionally mismatched, and my desk is already fluctuating between immaculate and cluttered. There is a vulnerability to it all, knowing that others can see it, too…can see me, too.
But that’s what therapy spaces are for. And what I know now is this: this particular therapy space is big enough for me and for you, so I invite you to fill the space with you.
The beauty of you awaits your response.
_____
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Miranda meadows , I like the way you live and think and share - I want to know you more! Wish I was closer to you - I would definitely come visit you in your new office - blessings to you in your work and life - may you share wisdom and grace and truth for all who enter in …
Love this and love you, Dr. Miranda Meadows! I am confident that you will fill that space beautifully, in all ways 🙂 So proud of you for embracing this new adventure… your clients, both current and future, are lucky to have you.
You are the best, my friend. Thank you for being a constant throughout my whole life! Your unending support and love is such a gift.
One of my favorite movie lines is from A League of Their Own, where Tom Hanks is telling (yelling) at a player about doing the hard stuff…”It’s SUPPOSED to be hard! If it was easy everybody would be doing it!”
I thought of that when I read your post..about the kind of brave it takes to do the hard stuff. About how scary it can be. BUT, with faith and grit and hope those hard things and places have such promise. It’s scary? Do it anyway. It’s hard? I think that most things worth doing are. I loved your illustration of dedicating yourself to your space in spite of your self doubts. I need that reminder every single day..so thank you!
Hi Donna!
Thank you for sharing these words about doing the “hard stuff.” I completely agree with you (and Tom Hanks!). I love how you say these “places have such promise.” It gives me an image of resilient flowers growing in the cracks of the sidewalk… growing in the literal “hard stuff” and the brokenness.
I’m glad my words resonated with you! Your comment definitely resonated with me. Thanks for reading AND sharing!
My favorite sentence: “Either I choose to be small, attempting to hide somewhere in the big, open space, or I choose to accept the invitation to fill it.” So good. Love it that you found a place that seems to fit the creative ENFP therapist that you are! Godspeed!
Thank you, friend, for this affirmation! I actually thought of you in this process because I remember our conversations about being ENFPs and how we like to have spaces reflect us. We should catch up some time now that I’m back in the Chicago area!
Is the picture your actual office? If so, it’s beautiful (just like its resident)! Although I think it could use a dog snoozing in the sun from that window.
This IS my office, and thank you so much! It’s a work in progress! I totally agree, though… a snoozing dog would be the perfect finishing touch. 🙂 I hope you are well!
AFAIC th’tas the best answer so far!
Ahhhh…….a breath of fresh air and beautifully written …..just right to relax and feel welcome. Perfect touch!
Your kind words are also welcome, Patricia! Thank you for stopping by. I’m glad you felt welcome!
Congratulations Miranda!! So proud of you! You will be so good at this and many people will be blessed!! Love you……
Thank you for reading and supporting me! Sending love your way, too, and next time you see Ashley, y’all hug each other for me.
Dearest Sweet (Dr.) Miranda, first, I love your ‘sharing’, and 2nd, I just know (as you do too!) God is doing wonderful things in and through your live. Thank you for taking us along on your journey. I love you SO much.
Aw, Aunt Susie! Thank you for always loving me and showing unwavering support. You are loved!
Congratulations Miranda! You will be a light in this new space where you will be able to help those on the road to healing! Blessings!
Valencia 🙂
Oh Valencia! This made me smile. Thank you so much for the encouragement, and I believe congratulations are in order for YOU, too! I hear you have a wonderful new job, and they are so lucky to have you. You will be a gift at Moody!
What a beautiful space you’ve created! I know that many life travelers will pass through this space and make amazing discoveries with you! Best wishes and much love on this new journey! And by the way—you’re never too much for me!
Thanks, Mom! 😉 Your support is now, and always, cherished.
Awesome reminder! Thank you. I had a similar conversation yesterday. Sometimes people just don’t know what to do with me, either! Learning to embrace ME at 54. It is wonderful and worrisome at the same time! I am pleased to “meet” you,
Thanks so much for your comment, Caroline! I hope you are finding joy in the embracing of yourself, even though it’s mixed with anxiety. Who knew being authentic could lead to so many different emotions? It is so nice to meet you, as well, and your support on this first post is appreciated! 🙂