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What to Do When Our Feelings Are Lying to Us
My youngest son is a lot like me—he pretty much organizes his life around avoiding physical pain and discomfort. So, when he got pink eye, and the doctor ordered us to put antibiotic drops in his eye, I wondered if we could just lock him in his room for a week until...
The Truth About Therapists, Pedestals, and What Really Heals
In February of this year, I wrote publicly about my recent depression. I’d been depressed before, but this time my approach to the depression had been different. I’d spent weeks in the darkness, but instead of fighting against it, I’d allowed it. I’d decided to learn...
What You’re Paying a Therapist to Do for You
The night before my parents dropped me off at Penn State University for graduate school, my father tried to encourage me. Perhaps noticing my anxiety about starting from scratch socially, he told me I was likeable and people would want to be with me. I retorted,...
An Open Letter from a Therapist to His Clients
Dear Fellow Travelers, I’ll be the first to admit, writing a letter like this is unusual. We’re not supposed to talk in public about what we talk about in private. You’re supposed to hide your decision to see me, as if it means you’re more damaged or more fragile than...
The Most Important Choice You’ll Ever Make
What is the most important choice you’ll ever make? Is it your friends? Your college? Your job? Your spouse? Which home to buy or which church to go to? And what if it’s none of the above? What if the most important choice you’ll ever make is whether or not to feel...
How Therapy Helps Us Make Meaning of Our Stories
I’ve written at least one blog post every week for the last four years and I’m often asked, “How do you find something meaningful to write about week after week?” This is how I write. This is how blogging is like therapy. And this is how therapy makes meaning of our...
How Therapy Saves Us from Wasting Our One Precious Life
What if our mistakes, flaws, imperfections and mess aren’t our biggest problem? What if our biggest problem is the story we tell ourselves about them? And what if there was a place where we could go, to hear a different story? The to-do list when you’re launching a...
The Reason Therapy Actually Works
It’s 9pm, and I walk in the door still carrying the weight of a day at my office. The kids are already in bed, eyelids heavy but holding out for a “goodnight” from Daddy. My wife is tired but smiling and happy to see me. And I don’t want any of it. I stomp around,...
Why Therapists Are Clueless
Therapy is like bedroom carpet and many therapists are completely clueless. And that’s a good thing. This is what I mean by that… Earlier this year, our family was preparing to embark upon an adventure, picking up our lives and plopping them back down in a new town...
The Beauty of Being a Quitter
Six years ago, my wife and I had reached a pinnacle. We’d just had our third and last child, my wife had become the director of her graduate psychology program, my clinical practice was thriving, and we’d just purchased a house in the right neighborhood with the best...
